Sister-wife Squabbles and Surprise Arrivals, the Farmer Drama continues
There were five in the bed and the greedy one said “I’m gonna KEEP YOU ALL”.
Once again it was a PASHORAMA PARTY, and at times it was like watching teenagers at a blue-light disco, eating each other’s faces off. Less is more people. Less. Is. More.
None of the sister-wives were sent home this week but in a shocking twist, Susie (the one who stole Farmer Joe’s heart) was told by the producers to leave because it was clear that Joe fell hard and they couldn’t risk him leaving like Dean did decided that farm life wasn’t for her and BROKE HIS HEART.
I thought this could be the end for smokin’ Joe on his Farmer Wife journey, but after a group hug with his sister-wives, it was game-on once again. Farmer Dustin lost a sister-wife as well this week, saying goodbye to Chloe, who pulled the pin on polygamy, claiming she would miss her family too much to move to the middle of butt-f*ck nowhere to be his farmhand wife.
Sister-wives get busy on the farm
We saw the sister-wives trying their hand at a bit of work this week. There was sheep drenching on Farmer Joe’s property, which, surprisingly for Calya, did not involve soaking sheep in water and wringing them out. Joe also had the “lovely ladies” shampoo his horses in a giant muddy puddle! Is that a “Snowy Mountain thing”?
Farmer Dustin had a “farm emergency” that had all the girls running across the yard to get in the way help a heifer give birth. This was a time for sister-mid-wife Anna to shine! She jumped right in and talked the mumma cow through her birth, before stroking the slimy newborn a little too much for my comfort level, but gaining some well-earned brownie points from Farmer Dusty.
It’s Hammer Nanna time
It was also the week to meet the Matriach of the families with Grandmas taking centre stage. Tom took his sister-wives to meet his Nanna and cried again – Jesus Tom, hold it together son. Dustin’s nanna got the sister-wives baking in the kitchen and told them how shit being a farmer’s wife was. Nice work Nan.
Joe, who seems to get more naked time air time than the other farmers, showed his softer side and commitment to his community as a kids footy coach at his local club. Naw, Joe ya big softy. He also asked his niece to choose the “lovely lady” he should take on his next date. Good move Joe – kids smell rats and you’ve got one.
It’s clear there are a couple of “molls” in the Farmer camp, and I’m not talking about the spying type. Calya in Farmer Joe’s polygamy prison prides herself on “honesty”. I’d like to share some honest thoughts about you scary Calya, but I shall refrain!
Karli will stop at nothing for the Pineapple Prince
The internet has blown up over Karli, the hair-stroking, bunny-boiling, stage five clinger. Karli is camping in Farmer Bert’s sunny Queensland pineapple plantation, and is, as the older people like to say “like a bull in a china shop”. I’m hoping bashful Bert is onto her – and thinking with the head that’s on top of his shoulders. The Meghan Markle-like Karli looks as though she’s used to getting what she wants, and is proving that she will step on anyone, and do anything in her quest to beat all the other girls to find love.
Flipping the tables, the sister-wives planned individual dates for their Farmer, each hoping to win him over. The catch? The producers chose The Farmers ‘had no clue’ who had planned each date and had to choose the one that tickled his fancy the most. It’s kinda ironic that Farmer Joe chose the naked painting date and Farmer Dusty went yabbying.
I squirmed in my chair as I watched Kinky Krissy blindfold teary Tom and feed him random pieces of food, witnessing his mouth drop open like a toddler waiting for a spoon of Weetbix. She then dragged her fingernails up and down his arms asking “Do you like that?”. No Kinky Krissy, I don’t think he did!
New Farmer Alert
To liven up this shit show, and leave us on a cliffhanger, the Farmers were called away for a special trip. They all jumped in their Utes to meet our favourite farmer host, Nat Gruzlewski, who introduced the fellas to a new recruit!
Replacing Farmer Dean, enter Farmer Todd, a 33-year-old from Baan Baa in New South Wales. Where the hell did he come from I hear you ask? Well, to let you in on a little secret, there was initially eight farmers up for grabs, including two South Aussies, one of which you can read about here. Clearly, Channel 7’s budget doesn’t stretch to SA, so close and handy Farmer Todd got a last-ditch call-up.
So many questions remain! Does Farmer Todd get his own herd of sister-wives? Maybe the sister-wives get a chance to leave their Farmer and have a crack with Farmer Todd? Maybe Farmer Todd can steal the other Farmer’s sister-wives? Ohhh it’s like making up the rules for the family Kris Kringle.
In other news, there’s been a whisper of a “pregnancy scare“. Sounds reminiscent of Farmer Will and Hayley back in 2021 resulting in baby Daisy but no “happily ever after”.
Damn it, once again, this farmer’s wife is HOOKED!
Farmer Wants A Wife airs on Channel 7 and 7plus, Sunday-Tuesday at 7pm and 7.30pm.
