Love Is Declared, Hearts Are Broken, Families Weigh In And The Cheese Platters Keep On Coming On Farmer Wants A Wife 2026
This week on Farmer Wants A Wife 2026 we saw pooping cows, more picnic rugs and cheese platters than you could poke a stick at, candles balanced precariously on hay bales, fake rainbows, cheesy close-ups, walkouts, declarations of love and cleveage… there’s always clevage.
Honestly, if this is what passes for matchmaking these days, just bring back Perfect Match.
For you young’uns, it was an ’80s dating show where contestants couldn’t see each other, so nobody was getting picked because of fake tan, lip filler or a dress cut down to their belly button. Dexter the robot worked out your compatibility, Greg Evans sent the winners off to Vanuatu, then a couple of weeks later they’d come back to sit on the couch hating on each other.
IT was TELEVISION GOLD.
Anyway… I digress.
Love Is In The Air… Sort Of
Before we even got to the solo dates, Holy Moly Alex decided to ditch poor old Rachel because he’d officially fallen in love with Lock-It-In Eddy.
He summoned her to a forest that looked like a florist had exploded.
Eddy wandered in proudly wearing her famous mother-of-pearl necklace and Alex confessed he’d fallen in love.
Lock-It-In Eddy looked like someone had farted in her face. “…I’m getting there,” she replied.
Quick Alex. Has Rachel left yet? It’s not too late.
Spoiler alert though… New Idea has already revealed they split up anyway.
Thanks for nothing, paparazzi.
One farmer down, four to go.
Solo Dates
This week on Farmer Wants A Wife 2026, the solo dates were back, bringing more picnic rugs, cheese platters and awkward pashing.
Hairy Dairy Farmer Jason took No Kids Poppy waterfall chasing.
There were blankets. There was booze. There was another stupid cheese platter.
Jason admitted he wanted five kids.
Poppy’s ovaries immediately self destructed, and she doubled down with “I don’t want to be bound by children” before suddenly backflipping to…
“…it might be something I want.”
Yep, clear as mud.
She then started talking about being a “fun step-mum” with trips to Disneyworld and showing Jason snow in Japan.
Love… he’s a dairy farmer. Some dairy farmers are literally getting paid less for their milk than it costs them to produce it.
Good luck with that travel budget.
Wet beard. Wet pash.
Next!
Cowboy Dylan’s horse float got the full Channel 7 makeover with fairy lights and candles balanced on hay bales because apparently WorkSafe doesn’t exist on this show.
The platter budget had clearly been slashed because this week’s feast consisted of approximately six strawberries on a side plate.
Dylan admitted he’s changed what he wants. Pretty sure he came on Farmer Wants A Wife to flog a few shirts from his clothing label, but reckons since he’s here he may as well see if he can score a wife.
The pair pashed. Ate strawberries. Ally mentioned kids…..again. #boring
Apple A Day Farmer Zac took Meike on a romantic picnic in the orchard.
Yep…
Another picnic. Another pash. Another hand hold. Another giggly walk back into the farmhouse while everyone else sat there pretending to be happy.
Meet The Parents
Next up in Farmer Wants A Wife 2026 came the family visits, with another solo date up for grabs. This time the families got to choose. Apparently the producers have officially run out of ideas.
We discovered that Dylan dad is a bit of silver fox. #showingmyage
We also discovered Zac eats like a four-year-old, Hairy Dairy Farmer Jason looks absolutely nothing like his siblings, and J-Rad’s parents enjoy birdwatching and painting.
Farmer Dylan’s family picked Keely because she’s Nan’s favourite.
Honestly, if Dylan could marry anyone it’d probably be Nan.
Zac’s twin sister backed Maya because as a twin, her vote basically counts for double.
Hairy Dairy’s siblings picked Logan because she cried. Solid strategy right there.
Meanwhile Yvonne she successfully convinced J-Rad’s parents that she shares their hobbies of painting and bird watching. #liarliarpantsonfire
Honestly Yvonne… The only ‘tit’ in the room was you.
Dates And Dumpings
The final dates in this week’s Farmer Wants A Wife 2026 recap delivered exactly what we’ve come to expect.
South Australia was on show as Barossa Helpcopters whisked J-Rad and Yvonne away for a joy flight over one of the most beautiful parts of our state.
Then…
Another picnic. Another pash. Another emotional breakdown from J-Rad.
Hairy Dairy Jason and Logan took ko the skies gliding before…
Wait for it…
Landing for another picnic.
The conversation got so stale a producer told them to talk about karaoke. Jason admitted he’d never played SingStar because he’s an adult.
Logan thought this was fascinating and they pashed.
Cowboy Dylan climbed back on another horse. Can he do anything else?
He and Keely rode through vineyards discussing horses, rodeos and…more horses.
Dylan reckons kissing tells him whether there’s a spark.
I’m not sure what scientific instrument he’s using to measure this, but if the spark-o-metre doesn’t register enough jiggle in his wiggle, apparently she’s out.
Apple A Day Zac and Maya hit the South Australian coastline on jet skis.
A dolphin made a guest appearance and South Australia looked magnificent.
Then they had dinner, giggled, drank wine, pashed. #nailedthefarmerformat
Back At The Farm
Back at Dylan’s place, Ally asked Keely the question she didn’t want to know, but it was in the script the producers handed her. #toobadsosad
“Did you kiss him?”
Keely admitted she had.
Ally packed her bags faster than Villian Miranda booked that flight to Greece and checked herself into the caravan park.
Cowboy Dylan declared himself “proper broken” before chasing after her.
Ally reminded him she’s a one-man woman.
Again…
WHY ARE THESE GIRLS SIGNING UP FOR THIS SHOW?
It should be rebranded Polygamy Island so everyone gets the gist.
Meanwhile Apple a Day Zac completely chickened out and kept all of his sister-wives. He could really get into this polygamy caper.
Hairy Dairy Farmer Jason finally managed to eliminate someone without them walking out first. #yayforjason
Kimberley questioned why he was hanging onto Poppy when she clearly doesn’t want kids.
Jason’s brain had a short circuit as he mumbled something no-one could understand.
He remains living in Denial Island, convinced Poppy will change her mind about pushing out some rug-rats.
In the end, Hairy Dairy Jason gave Kimberley the boot, as she ugly cried into the fluffy pink elephant she’d won at the Country Fair and sobbed her way home.
Over at J-Rad’s farm there was absolutely no mucking around.
He cried….again.
Mate…Hold it together.
First he quietly took OG favourite Carly out for “a chat,” which translated to sending her packing.
Then he marched back to the table and basically said while we’re here, Christina Who Needs Subtitles can take a hike too.
He looked either exhausted, emotionally cooked or a bottle of wine deep.
Possibly all three.
That leaves Bobby Pin Brodie and Liar Liar Pants On Fire Yvonne.
At this point I’m starting to think Bobby Pin Brodie who’s barely spoken all season might genuinely pull a Bradbury and land herself a farmer!
Stay tuned for next week when the Black Tie Dinner rolls around, Dylan discovers bow ties, Ally makes a dramatic return and Channel 7 somehow finds another excuse to wheel out the picnic rugs.
Until then this fully qualified Farmer’s Wife is signing off.
Farmer Wants a Wife airs on Channel 7 and 7plus, Sunday-Tuesday at 7pm and 7.30pm. Watch it here.
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